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Saturday, February 19, 2011

time to (w)right

This week was insane. Boise was beautiful, and AutoCad was interesting. It is...well. Neat to learn new things. Practical, even, one might say.

Quit your bum ass art job and get back to work!
.. Nahhhhh....that'll never happen.
Don't worry!
But for right now, my phalanges have been craving some type action time and I am here to appease their will, for I have none of my own but to enjoy this new Pyramid Outburst IPA . (which for the record, I tried THREE new IPAs on my trip. It was wonderful, but none are yet as good as my favorite- the elusive Ranger)

So I will start on my topics today. Inspired by you, I bring you me.

Strength. This has been on my mind for some weeks now. But what exactly is it? What makes us strong? What defines us as weak? How would we ever know the difference? Is it tangible? What would it taste like?

When I was in Boise, I noticed a few very distinct things. First of all, I couldn't go anywhere without running into a complete and total stranger and seeing a smile on their lips. Once, I wasn't even paying attention, but looking at some man's coat, and he did a little wave and gave the biggest authentic grin I have ever seen from someone that I do not know. Was it just me? Was I the only one noticing this? Sariah said. It was just me. I have been cooped up in Winnemucca for too long.
Damn. She got me.
So I asked her, Didn't it drive you insane when you lived back in Winnemucca?
And she said YES. How do you do it?
The truth is, I am not sure.

I have tried so hard to seek my inner light in this place that is devoid of color. This is a place of few smiles and a bitter wind. Where the dust blows against you like icicles, and the only true color is on the rare sunset or sunrise. I live alone, I am nothing special.

I have been radiating with my entire being to try and seek the sort of inspiration that can make something worth living for. It took my trip to Boise to see a little bit of how far I have come. The fact that I could see my great old friend was enough in itself, but to see her smile, and to hear her tales. That was TRUE inspiration. Because whenever I look at myself, I know that I am on one path, while my friend is on an entirely separate journey that is just as great and wonderful. At this stage in my life, what is the point of comparisons or whatfors. I appreciate my friends in ways they may never even imagine, just because they exist, and for one small fractal of a millisecond in time, they were a part of my life.
I feel blessed.

This whole time I have been searching for my inner strength to act as my guide. This is important, don't get me wrong. Recently though, I am realizing the strength of everyone around me though, and it lifts me up higher than I would expect. Shannon is pursuing her life dream of massage therapy. Sariah moved to Boise without any help or family. She joined Crossfit and now looks so beautiful and wonderful (even despite your fender bender!). Alysha is in Georgia with the Army still, but still as brave and heroic as I remember her. Natalie is...well. I would tell you if she ever answered her phone! Wherever she is, I hope she knows that I love her and miss her.
And for everyone else in my life, thank you.

So to answer my original question. After much meditation and thought on the subject I would have to say that strength is more than the process of becoming strong. It is a mental clarity of obligation and honor. It is a self respect, but it is also so much more. It is a love that you would fight for. It is an idea and a weapon. Let it radiate and motivate. Resolve and breathe.


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