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Sunday, July 31, 2011


Such a strange word...belief. What is it to believe? It is having faith. The opposite of fear. The light in the dark. Is it religious? I am not sure. I think so, but then again I have never believed in organized religion. Many things happen in this miniscule existence that we like to call life. Who are we to judge our own experiences, much less the experiences of others? What about faith, is it exactly, that makes us believe?

My mother actually came up to me a few weeks earlier and started talking about her "God of understanding". The phrase caught my attention, as I had never heard it phrased that way before. I asked her about it, and she said, yea. I am not one to tell who God is to you, but I know who he is to ME, and it is MY God of MY understanding. Wow. Is it that simple? Can we really just look inside ourselves and define our faith and belief for ourself?

Why not?

To err is human. But to have erred and not believed in anything? This makes me really sad.

So I asked myself. What do I belief? Well. Many things. I will write a list.

I believe in personal strength. I believe that even if your soul is asked by things you don't want in your life, or struggles so painful that you can't mention, that this strength still exists. I believe that true freedom only occurs when you seek your true strength and you work on yourself until it begins to shine. I believe that sometimes, people are like geodes. They have these rough outsides, but when cracked and burst open, there are thousands of gems just waiting to see the light of day.

I believe in more than just aspects of our lives, I believe that we are all apart of the bigger picture, and that children are the most precious things. I believe that good teachers are hard to come by, but when they do, the teachings will live forever in the hearts of all they touch.

I believe that belief can be stronger than all of our fears.

I believe that the past is just that.

I believe that there were people in my life that I had thought to have been different. But they weren't. I believe that I made them into the people that I wanted. But they weren't. So I forgave myself.

I believe that you can learn a lot about a person by fighting them. And that sometimes, this is truly the only way to know someone. I believe that you will begin to know yourself only through struggle.

I believe that so many people do not know themselves. That they are rough geodes that have never struggled enough to crack open.

I believe in not taking the easy way out. I compared this to my sister last night. That if you are standing at the base of a mountain, you will never know what the sight is like at the top unless you take a step at a time. Do as much as you can. No more, no less. If you push too hard, you will get tired and lose interest. If you don't push enough, you will stay in one spot forever.

I believe that one must always go forward.

I believe that you are the most important guiding hand to yourself.

I believe that breath is important.

I believe that there is a mean, cruel world. I feel sorry for it, because it has suffered so much that it does not remember what it is like to feel joy.

I believe there is a light in people.I believe that you need to trust it, feel it, be it. I believe this is the God of your Understanding. I believe that it is beautiful and the source of all the deepest abilities and desires.

So. Yes. I believe in something. If I didn't, I would be miserable. I am tired of being miserable. It wears so much on your soul. I am a fighter, and I am happy.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

too afraid...of what

Everyone has fears. It is ridiculously normal and human. Kings fear for loss of their kingdoms, paupers fear what they do not know. Myself? I am afraid of a lot of things. Perhaps a lot which I don't know, but for the most part I think I do. I am scared of losing my family. I am scared of dying tomorrow and my friends and family would not know how much they meant to me. I am scared that I am not learning fast enough. That our family business will crumble and we will be jobless in a world that does not value the skills I have obtained. I am scared to draw. I am scared that if I draw, my drawings will mean nothing and be thrown away. I am scared that I will hurt myself doing something stupid and will never recover. I am scared for our nation and all of the children growing up without an education. I am scared that a fire might burn up my house and community. I am scared I will lose sight of my goals. I am scared of other people's actions. I am scared that I will die because I was too weak to handle the world around me. I am afraid that I will have learned nothing in life, and the teachings that I have given will amount to nothing. I am afraid of the weather changing. I am afraid of a global food shortage. I am afraid for my friends who are trapped in desperate situations. I am afraid I will be attacked by someone much bigger and stronger than me.

See? Told you I was scared. Life is scary. I grew up a quiet, shy kid. I will always be that kid at heart. But I will also realize, that we are more than the fears that break us down, we are the strengths that build us up. I must be stronger than I am afraid of life. For even though I fear being trapped in the corner with no way out except through a lion's jaws, I know that I am strong enough to climb the cage and jump out to safety. If you fear your own strength, it will never surface in your time of need. And right now, I think we all need to learn how to be strong.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

el cielo es azul

"At the very beginning of this Place by Flowing Waters, The People gathered to build a Great Kiva. In so doing, they enacted the joining of the primal pairing of nature that bonded them as one people, male and female; Sky and Earth, sun and moon, winter and summer. The Great Kiva represented the First House created by the People upon their emergence from the Earth's Navel. The Great Kiva was the center of the Cosmos, where the six sacred directions symbolically came together, where The People reconnected with their spiritual and mythic origins and were nourished by the spiritual Center, the Earth's Navel.

Imagine the Great Kiva filled with The People of this Place by Flowiing Waters as they awaited the first rays of sunlight on the summer solstice. This was a sacred event, the beginning of a new cycle of life celebrated by all people. It was a time of renewal and thanksgiving. As you sit on the Great Kiva, you too are participating in this Celebration of Life. You have walked in the footsteps of The People of this Place be Flowing Waters. Remember that "place that The People think about."

-The Center plaque at the Aztec ruins (Pueblan) in Aztec, New Mexico.