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Thursday, February 24, 2011

more strange unedited poetry

I invited Fear to dinner the other night
He showed up early
The dark was light.

I made a delicious feast of a meal
which we both looked upon
with strong appeal.
Fear's black eyes drew in heavy
the feast of a dinner
about to succumb to his belly.

And me? Well I thought
This is a sight.
Me and my friend
between candle light.

Asparagus spears,
Biscuits and beans.
A piece of ham, a bit of cheese.
Half of a chicken
A dark red wine
Our fingers grew greasy
The crumbs fell quite easy.

Fear said, why you out did yourself this time
And I said, why yes. It was all fine

And I leaned back and pulled a neat smile
For this I did feel as a child.
Fear got up, and I gave him a hug
Thank you for coming; now you must run
So I bid you goodnight
Out of sight
Out of sight.
My name is Courage
Time to blow out this light.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

the parting birds

I need to edit this later. *

As the snow fell,
the birds came.
Hundreds and hundreds
Searching for food;
searching for grain.

Driving down
a frozen farm road
Ice on my windows
ice on the snow.

They saw me coming
they flew side by side.
A wall to my left
A wall to my right.

Should I go fast?
or, should I go slow?
Some were so high
others floating low

Suddenly the crowd flew in front
I slammed the brakes;
put it in park.

Fluttering past
with little regard
Hundreds and hundreds
Upwards and over
Split in between.
Was it one mass split into two?
Was it one mass split into three?

And then the most curious
occasion of all
Was the one little bird
left way on the right.
She was flapping
and flopping her way alongside
but she had lost her crowd
was blind in sight.

There was her family
way to the left
I was in the middle
and on my car she lept.

A curious sight
of a lost bird on my mirror.
No bigger than my fist
Eyes black and clear
Brown coat of soft feathers.

She looked at me
and I at her.
A moment passed,
I must seem so absurd.
But in that moment
I swear she talked.
Opened her beak
and out came a squawk.

She said she was
but a wee traveler.
Lost her way;
would I help them find her?

Sure, I said,
they are over yonder.
And of this bird
I had grown fonder.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

time to (w)right

This week was insane. Boise was beautiful, and AutoCad was interesting. It is...well. Neat to learn new things. Practical, even, one might say.

Quit your bum ass art job and get back to work!
.. Nahhhhh....that'll never happen.
Don't worry!
But for right now, my phalanges have been craving some type action time and I am here to appease their will, for I have none of my own but to enjoy this new Pyramid Outburst IPA . (which for the record, I tried THREE new IPAs on my trip. It was wonderful, but none are yet as good as my favorite- the elusive Ranger)

So I will start on my topics today. Inspired by you, I bring you me.

Strength. This has been on my mind for some weeks now. But what exactly is it? What makes us strong? What defines us as weak? How would we ever know the difference? Is it tangible? What would it taste like?

When I was in Boise, I noticed a few very distinct things. First of all, I couldn't go anywhere without running into a complete and total stranger and seeing a smile on their lips. Once, I wasn't even paying attention, but looking at some man's coat, and he did a little wave and gave the biggest authentic grin I have ever seen from someone that I do not know. Was it just me? Was I the only one noticing this? Sariah said. It was just me. I have been cooped up in Winnemucca for too long.
Damn. She got me.
So I asked her, Didn't it drive you insane when you lived back in Winnemucca?
And she said YES. How do you do it?
The truth is, I am not sure.

I have tried so hard to seek my inner light in this place that is devoid of color. This is a place of few smiles and a bitter wind. Where the dust blows against you like icicles, and the only true color is on the rare sunset or sunrise. I live alone, I am nothing special.

I have been radiating with my entire being to try and seek the sort of inspiration that can make something worth living for. It took my trip to Boise to see a little bit of how far I have come. The fact that I could see my great old friend was enough in itself, but to see her smile, and to hear her tales. That was TRUE inspiration. Because whenever I look at myself, I know that I am on one path, while my friend is on an entirely separate journey that is just as great and wonderful. At this stage in my life, what is the point of comparisons or whatfors. I appreciate my friends in ways they may never even imagine, just because they exist, and for one small fractal of a millisecond in time, they were a part of my life.
I feel blessed.

This whole time I have been searching for my inner strength to act as my guide. This is important, don't get me wrong. Recently though, I am realizing the strength of everyone around me though, and it lifts me up higher than I would expect. Shannon is pursuing her life dream of massage therapy. Sariah moved to Boise without any help or family. She joined Crossfit and now looks so beautiful and wonderful (even despite your fender bender!). Alysha is in Georgia with the Army still, but still as brave and heroic as I remember her. Natalie is...well. I would tell you if she ever answered her phone! Wherever she is, I hope she knows that I love her and miss her.
And for everyone else in my life, thank you.

So to answer my original question. After much meditation and thought on the subject I would have to say that strength is more than the process of becoming strong. It is a mental clarity of obligation and honor. It is a self respect, but it is also so much more. It is a love that you would fight for. It is an idea and a weapon. Let it radiate and motivate. Resolve and breathe.