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Sunday, March 13, 2011

Spring Forward

Today the clock strikes an hour more. Where are you, my friends?

I sense us all going through a scene. No one's life is a straight predictable line.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
-Shakespeare (As You Like It)

So why do we fret? We already know how we came into this world, and we already know that life will not go on forever. We know that what we have is what we are given. We are given this gift of breath, of thought, of existence. We become aware, and in our sense of awareness, we exist. This is what I know.

So, again, why do we fret? So many of our moments exist as links and references to other times. To things come, to things past. Things that we wish to change become evident in our lives and we seek out some higher truth to explain what we can not.

We know that we all have a part to play, and we all want to know what it is. It's like watching LOST, or some other drawn out series. You know where you are and who you are, but WHY are you, really? Well. I suppose there is no fine line to draw this conclusion. This is a journey that everyone must endure.

In Tae Kwon Do, we start off every class reading the tenants. Courtesy. Integrity. Perseverance. Self - Control. Indomitable Spirit. These tenants have helped shape and form my life. Though I have strayed from it in the past, it has become a quasi religion for me now that I am an adult. It is a way of being, a life style, moreover.

So why do I fret? Well. Because I know for every part I have played in my life there are probably 200 gazillion that I have not. I have been a daughter, a child, a sister, a lover, a friend, a co-worker, a colleague etc. What I have not done I need not say here, but I think the item that tops it all is that I did not respect myself. In my times of need and trouble, I did not care to remember who I really was. And this is what hurt the worst.

So I decided to do something about it folks. Do you know what it starts with? It starts with an affirmative statement followed close by the necessary action to back it up. I will play my role, but for right now, I am not going to worry about it. I wake up in the morning and say, this is WHO I AM. This is WHERE I am. This is WHERE I am going, and by God. I am going to make it if it kills me.

And you know what? I try to be all the things that are good in this world. I TRY to be a good friend. I TRY to take care of my family. I TRY to teach kids in my class about being an adult. I don't always succeed. In fact, most times I think I come off like a bumbling idiot. But I TRY. And I sleep good at night because of it.

But if I can't live up to everyone's expectations...oh well. Life goes on. I am starting my Spring Forward with an affirmation of self respect. I play my part and do what I can when I can. I believe in myself, and that Black Belt is going to be mine!!!

1 comment:

  1. You are amazing Jessie...Thank you for being so eloquent with the written word.