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Monday, July 30, 2012

Sitting in the Sand

I happened to wander
On a neat summer's day
To a place I could ponder
Upon a wide open space.
There I rested my thoughts
And sat in the sand
Not seeing much
Just the sun and the land.
Blinded by emotion
My eyes filled with tears
For what I knew not
But it was something I feared.
I had always been told
"You must be strong."
Like there was no other option
Any other option was wrong.
So I tried and I tried
And I tried to carry on.
I read books and ate my vegetables
I lifted weights and overcame obstacles.
I became strong
for the people I loved
For myself, for my sister
For my mother and father.
I became strong
and I learned a good self defense
I taught it to children
It made perfect sense.
But on this day that I wandered
To sit in the sand
Not seeing much
But the sun and the land
I happened to look down
and I saw all of my scars.
And it made me so sad
Because I had gotten so far.
"You must be strong."
Echoed in my head
As I remembered the pain
Even the ones that didn't make sense.
I looked to the sky with tears in my eyes
And I asked, "How can I be strong?"
I've seen things unnatural
And felt hands on me like knives.
I've been raped, I've been beaten
I've been been worked on like a corpse in the night.
I became strong, regardless.
I taught it to children
But it didn't make any sense.
I would stutter and shy
What a hippo crate
What a lie.
"You must be strong."
Even when it doesn't work
Even when all the self-defense in the world
Won't touch against dirt.
So I grabbed a handful of sand
And I sifted it over my scars
I cried and I cried and I cried
Because I remembered the pain.
"You must be strong."
Echoed its annoyance
For myself, for my sister
For my mother and father.
The sand didn't cover that pink
Stretch of skin.
I guess when you hurt it so much
It rolls right off again.
And that's when I learned
Today sitting in the sand
That all of the pain in the world
Can't by buried again.
"You must be strong."
Still haunts me like an echo.

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