I don't care about your politics!
Let's go on a carnival ride!
Up and down,
Side to side!
I've got $2.00 left
let's buy some cotton candy
Forget about the war!
Isn't this dandy??
Look!
The man on the street is doing an act!
He's painted up silver!
Robot Attack!
A cop stands by
A smile concerning
Pistol at hand;
Baton oh so yearning!
But I don't care about your politics!
I am having a blast!
Let's go draw our portraits
And play music fast!
Don't pay attention
to the grim news report
Rising gas prices
Libya's retorts!
Eat some pie! Do a dance!
Screw it all! Take a chance!
What do you care
half your money doesn't exist
Leave it to the old folks!
I gotta piss!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
running
As some of you know, I am going to be getting my black belt soon. In order to do that, I have to be REALLY in shape. We are going to wake up early, run 5 miles and then go through absolutely EVERY TKD move/maneuver/pattern that there is to know. And THEN I am going to go test.
And you know what? I am fine on all of that except for the running 5 miles. Running has always and forever been one of my most difficult struggles in life. I am always fighting something when I run. If it's not my breath, then it's my knee or my heavy ass legs, or my stubby thighs or my lack of muscles...whatever.
Ever since my knee surgery when I was 13, I have had on again off again problems. I can't go down steep hills without it feeling like a knife on the underside of my kneecap (still can't). If I stress myself too much and do too much activity, it starts to ache like no one's business. So I have been trying to give my knee a break and work out other parts of my body.
But yesterday I discovered something amazing. I was 5 minutes into my run when the pain decided to return. I was really pissy for about 2 minutes because I figured that my whole workout was shot, but then I tried something new. I tried running on my toes, and holy crap. No knee pain! And then I figured that if I just imagined myself being really light and my legs being lighter than a feather (not easy I assure you) my run got a LOT easier. It surprised the hell out of me!
So now I have a little bit more confidence, but I still can't go very fast. I am not wanting to either, just because of my knee. But also because...well. I'm not built like a Kenyan dammit. But I WILL finish my 5 miles.
There is no doubt of that. Yoga seems to be helping out too. My knee used to bother me 2-3 times per week...and besides yesterday's run, I haven't felt the pain in at least 2 months. I figure that's a pretty good sign that I am doing something right.
Anyways.
I still need to practice my 2 step sparring and remember 4 forms that I have forgotten. Should be interesting.
Namaste!
Jessie
And you know what? I am fine on all of that except for the running 5 miles. Running has always and forever been one of my most difficult struggles in life. I am always fighting something when I run. If it's not my breath, then it's my knee or my heavy ass legs, or my stubby thighs or my lack of muscles...whatever.
Ever since my knee surgery when I was 13, I have had on again off again problems. I can't go down steep hills without it feeling like a knife on the underside of my kneecap (still can't). If I stress myself too much and do too much activity, it starts to ache like no one's business. So I have been trying to give my knee a break and work out other parts of my body.
But yesterday I discovered something amazing. I was 5 minutes into my run when the pain decided to return. I was really pissy for about 2 minutes because I figured that my whole workout was shot, but then I tried something new. I tried running on my toes, and holy crap. No knee pain! And then I figured that if I just imagined myself being really light and my legs being lighter than a feather (not easy I assure you) my run got a LOT easier. It surprised the hell out of me!
So now I have a little bit more confidence, but I still can't go very fast. I am not wanting to either, just because of my knee. But also because...well. I'm not built like a Kenyan dammit. But I WILL finish my 5 miles.
There is no doubt of that. Yoga seems to be helping out too. My knee used to bother me 2-3 times per week...and besides yesterday's run, I haven't felt the pain in at least 2 months. I figure that's a pretty good sign that I am doing something right.
Anyways.
I still need to practice my 2 step sparring and remember 4 forms that I have forgotten. Should be interesting.
Namaste!
Jessie
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
ode to a rainy tuesday
Pitter patter rain
and a little tai chi
in an unfinished building.
my sister and I
transitioning smoothly.
the wood feels raw
with saw dust and sand
an exhale release
and a wave of my hand.
spring mist in the air;
a sweet pitcher of life.
I hold my cup
and fill it with love.
oh these times.
they are silly.
too much pain.
too much misery.
Part the horses mane
Bend over the knee
Close your eyes
Feel the chi.
and a little tai chi
in an unfinished building.
my sister and I
transitioning smoothly.
the wood feels raw
with saw dust and sand
an exhale release
and a wave of my hand.
spring mist in the air;
a sweet pitcher of life.
I hold my cup
and fill it with love.
oh these times.
they are silly.
too much pain.
too much misery.
Part the horses mane
Bend over the knee
Close your eyes
Feel the chi.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The Fight
So, there was a tournament in Reno on Saturday. I didn't know that I'd be going until the night before, and at 10 pm I confirmed with my boss that all was good with my projects, went home, washed my uniform and finally got to bed at midnight.
After a brief 5 hour sleep, I was on my way to Reno. I had to get there early enough to register and I was only allowing myself one cup of coffee. I had the jitters anyway, I think my usual mass load of coffee probably wouldn't have done well with my nervousness.
For almost the entire drive, all I could think about was that the last time I had entered in a tournament. I was probably only 11 years old, but I remember going up against this blue belt who was very good. I remember, he had very fast hands and a mullet sticking through his helmet in the back. For memories sake, I'll just play it safe and say that I had a blue belt too, but I was not nearly as confident as him. I knew before I even went into the ring that I was probably going to lose. And, invariably I did. I got into the ring, and I just froze. I probably didn't even have my hands up. So you can see, I must have been a sitting duck, when WHAM, he nails a perfect side kick to my gut and I go tumbling backwards. Let me tell you...this hurts something fierce. I would not ever suggest putting your guard down.
But this is what fear does to people.
It tries to convince you to put your guard down.
Back to my story, though. So all I could think of driving down, was me at 11 getting my ass handed to me by a little boy with a mullet. These are powerful emotions! Yet still, I pressed on. I had to make it to Reno for this tournament, I just had to.
There was even a snow storm that I had to pass through. The same one that my friend ended up getting stuck in on the other side of the Sierra's, coincidentally. I pressed on, taking my time.
So the story continues with my arrival to the Convention Center. It was packed. I made it through the crowds to get my two class entry wrist bands. I would be competing in two things that day, sparring and kata (forms...martial arts dances). I was very confident about my kata, because I have practiced it so much that I could do it in my sleep. The sparring, however, would prove very difficult.
Until I realized, that I was the only red/brown belt in the entire convention that registered in the adult category. All of the big, intense, super awesome fights and such were all red/bown/black...under 21. They would have kicked my butt. Something that I must have been craving for, with a smile on my face...until I realized that I was the only one in my division. And this younger guy comes up to me, "...Um. excuse me Miss. Is it OK if I put you with the 50 and older division, they need someone to fight."
I looked to my right and saw the 2 most interesting people I have seen in awhile. There was an old man probably in his 80s with thick rimmed glasses, a hunched back, a grey beard and a pot belly. He looks over at me with this great big ol' gleeful grin which covered most of his face. I smiled back apprehensively, and then looked up to his friend in the same class. It was a woman in her late sixties about 3 times my size high and two times wide....a Goliath woman towering over me. She had a big nose and greasy curly hair to her shoulders. She, too, had glasses and a toothy smile. She let out a big HIYA as I glanced. I was so amused, relieved, and piss out of my pants scared. She terrified me, but I couldn't ignore her, so I grinned my biggest right back at her.
The ring steward had to have gotten a hearty laugh out of the 3 of us standing there waiting for a ring to be open.
See, and it wasn't even fair because, well. They paired me with the old man to fight first. I was nice about it...I gave him a chance. My theory on the whole situation, is that Goliath (I never caught her full name) was this woman's friend. Because after I ended up beating him (like I said...I didn't hit him hard at all) Goliath stepped into the ring with a fury so intense that it sent a ripple up my spine. I could hear little children in Japan falling over from her earthquake stomping. I had to be strong, but not strike that delicate line between grandma, big crazy lady coming after me, and fighter. It was hard to think about. And I felt myself going back to being eleven years old again. I started to freeze up and lower my guard again.
Then the most miraculous thing happened. I heard a voice outside the ring, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUT YOUR HANDS UP! MOVE AROUND!" And a bell snapped in my head. Wake up dummy! DUH. So I started moving around. Goliath came at me with a series of punches. I dodged to the right..WHAM. Point. I hear "TIME OUT", look around, and see Joji sitting outside the ring.
Joji was not technically one of my teachers, but I took a sparring seminar from her and her husband, Sensai Martin. The lady waves me over, grabs my head and starts talking in my ear. "Make her off balance and for God's sake, MOVE AROUND. Don't give her the chance."
I go back and we are sparring again. WHAM. I blitz and end up getting her forehead. Point. But upon landing my blitz, she throws one right back. BOOM! She got my jaw and scores another point herself. If I get one more point, I win.
Joji yells, "You can do it!" I dodge left and then right. I go up and try to come down with a front snap. Too late. Goliath saw it coming. BOOM! To the side of my face. Point.
I lost.
We lined up. We shook hands. But I still. Lost. I got a first place trophy and I didn't want it. I didn't deserve it.
Joji gives me her card. I came back and wrote this. Just now.
After a brief 5 hour sleep, I was on my way to Reno. I had to get there early enough to register and I was only allowing myself one cup of coffee. I had the jitters anyway, I think my usual mass load of coffee probably wouldn't have done well with my nervousness.
For almost the entire drive, all I could think about was that the last time I had entered in a tournament. I was probably only 11 years old, but I remember going up against this blue belt who was very good. I remember, he had very fast hands and a mullet sticking through his helmet in the back. For memories sake, I'll just play it safe and say that I had a blue belt too, but I was not nearly as confident as him. I knew before I even went into the ring that I was probably going to lose. And, invariably I did. I got into the ring, and I just froze. I probably didn't even have my hands up. So you can see, I must have been a sitting duck, when WHAM, he nails a perfect side kick to my gut and I go tumbling backwards. Let me tell you...this hurts something fierce. I would not ever suggest putting your guard down.
But this is what fear does to people.
It tries to convince you to put your guard down.
Back to my story, though. So all I could think of driving down, was me at 11 getting my ass handed to me by a little boy with a mullet. These are powerful emotions! Yet still, I pressed on. I had to make it to Reno for this tournament, I just had to.
There was even a snow storm that I had to pass through. The same one that my friend ended up getting stuck in on the other side of the Sierra's, coincidentally. I pressed on, taking my time.
So the story continues with my arrival to the Convention Center. It was packed. I made it through the crowds to get my two class entry wrist bands. I would be competing in two things that day, sparring and kata (forms...martial arts dances). I was very confident about my kata, because I have practiced it so much that I could do it in my sleep. The sparring, however, would prove very difficult.
Until I realized, that I was the only red/brown belt in the entire convention that registered in the adult category. All of the big, intense, super awesome fights and such were all red/bown/black...under 21. They would have kicked my butt. Something that I must have been craving for, with a smile on my face...until I realized that I was the only one in my division. And this younger guy comes up to me, "...Um. excuse me Miss. Is it OK if I put you with the 50 and older division, they need someone to fight."
I looked to my right and saw the 2 most interesting people I have seen in awhile. There was an old man probably in his 80s with thick rimmed glasses, a hunched back, a grey beard and a pot belly. He looks over at me with this great big ol' gleeful grin which covered most of his face. I smiled back apprehensively, and then looked up to his friend in the same class. It was a woman in her late sixties about 3 times my size high and two times wide....a Goliath woman towering over me. She had a big nose and greasy curly hair to her shoulders. She, too, had glasses and a toothy smile. She let out a big HIYA as I glanced. I was so amused, relieved, and piss out of my pants scared. She terrified me, but I couldn't ignore her, so I grinned my biggest right back at her.
The ring steward had to have gotten a hearty laugh out of the 3 of us standing there waiting for a ring to be open.
See, and it wasn't even fair because, well. They paired me with the old man to fight first. I was nice about it...I gave him a chance. My theory on the whole situation, is that Goliath (I never caught her full name) was this woman's friend. Because after I ended up beating him (like I said...I didn't hit him hard at all) Goliath stepped into the ring with a fury so intense that it sent a ripple up my spine. I could hear little children in Japan falling over from her earthquake stomping. I had to be strong, but not strike that delicate line between grandma, big crazy lady coming after me, and fighter. It was hard to think about. And I felt myself going back to being eleven years old again. I started to freeze up and lower my guard again.
Then the most miraculous thing happened. I heard a voice outside the ring, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUT YOUR HANDS UP! MOVE AROUND!" And a bell snapped in my head. Wake up dummy! DUH. So I started moving around. Goliath came at me with a series of punches. I dodged to the right..WHAM. Point. I hear "TIME OUT", look around, and see Joji sitting outside the ring.
Joji was not technically one of my teachers, but I took a sparring seminar from her and her husband, Sensai Martin. The lady waves me over, grabs my head and starts talking in my ear. "Make her off balance and for God's sake, MOVE AROUND. Don't give her the chance."
I go back and we are sparring again. WHAM. I blitz and end up getting her forehead. Point. But upon landing my blitz, she throws one right back. BOOM! She got my jaw and scores another point herself. If I get one more point, I win.
Joji yells, "You can do it!" I dodge left and then right. I go up and try to come down with a front snap. Too late. Goliath saw it coming. BOOM! To the side of my face. Point.
I lost.
We lined up. We shook hands. But I still. Lost. I got a first place trophy and I didn't want it. I didn't deserve it.
Joji gives me her card. I came back and wrote this. Just now.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Spring Forward
Today the clock strikes an hour more. Where are you, my friends?
I sense us all going through a scene. No one's life is a straight predictable line.
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
-Shakespeare (As You Like It)
So why do we fret? We already know how we came into this world, and we already know that life will not go on forever. We know that what we have is what we are given. We are given this gift of breath, of thought, of existence. We become aware, and in our sense of awareness, we exist. This is what I know.
So, again, why do we fret? So many of our moments exist as links and references to other times. To things come, to things past. Things that we wish to change become evident in our lives and we seek out some higher truth to explain what we can not.
We know that we all have a part to play, and we all want to know what it is. It's like watching LOST, or some other drawn out series. You know where you are and who you are, but WHY are you, really? Well. I suppose there is no fine line to draw this conclusion. This is a journey that everyone must endure.
In Tae Kwon Do, we start off every class reading the tenants. Courtesy. Integrity. Perseverance. Self - Control. Indomitable Spirit. These tenants have helped shape and form my life. Though I have strayed from it in the past, it has become a quasi religion for me now that I am an adult. It is a way of being, a life style, moreover.
So why do I fret? Well. Because I know for every part I have played in my life there are probably 200 gazillion that I have not. I have been a daughter, a child, a sister, a lover, a friend, a co-worker, a colleague etc. What I have not done I need not say here, but I think the item that tops it all is that I did not respect myself. In my times of need and trouble, I did not care to remember who I really was. And this is what hurt the worst.
So I decided to do something about it folks. Do you know what it starts with? It starts with an affirmative statement followed close by the necessary action to back it up. I will play my role, but for right now, I am not going to worry about it. I wake up in the morning and say, this is WHO I AM. This is WHERE I am. This is WHERE I am going, and by God. I am going to make it if it kills me.
And you know what? I try to be all the things that are good in this world. I TRY to be a good friend. I TRY to take care of my family. I TRY to teach kids in my class about being an adult. I don't always succeed. In fact, most times I think I come off like a bumbling idiot. But I TRY. And I sleep good at night because of it.
But if I can't live up to everyone's expectations...oh well. Life goes on. I am starting my Spring Forward with an affirmation of self respect. I play my part and do what I can when I can. I believe in myself, and that Black Belt is going to be mine!!!
I sense us all going through a scene. No one's life is a straight predictable line.
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
-Shakespeare (As You Like It)
So why do we fret? We already know how we came into this world, and we already know that life will not go on forever. We know that what we have is what we are given. We are given this gift of breath, of thought, of existence. We become aware, and in our sense of awareness, we exist. This is what I know.
So, again, why do we fret? So many of our moments exist as links and references to other times. To things come, to things past. Things that we wish to change become evident in our lives and we seek out some higher truth to explain what we can not.
We know that we all have a part to play, and we all want to know what it is. It's like watching LOST, or some other drawn out series. You know where you are and who you are, but WHY are you, really? Well. I suppose there is no fine line to draw this conclusion. This is a journey that everyone must endure.
In Tae Kwon Do, we start off every class reading the tenants. Courtesy. Integrity. Perseverance. Self - Control. Indomitable Spirit. These tenants have helped shape and form my life. Though I have strayed from it in the past, it has become a quasi religion for me now that I am an adult. It is a way of being, a life style, moreover.
So why do I fret? Well. Because I know for every part I have played in my life there are probably 200 gazillion that I have not. I have been a daughter, a child, a sister, a lover, a friend, a co-worker, a colleague etc. What I have not done I need not say here, but I think the item that tops it all is that I did not respect myself. In my times of need and trouble, I did not care to remember who I really was. And this is what hurt the worst.
So I decided to do something about it folks. Do you know what it starts with? It starts with an affirmative statement followed close by the necessary action to back it up. I will play my role, but for right now, I am not going to worry about it. I wake up in the morning and say, this is WHO I AM. This is WHERE I am. This is WHERE I am going, and by God. I am going to make it if it kills me.
And you know what? I try to be all the things that are good in this world. I TRY to be a good friend. I TRY to take care of my family. I TRY to teach kids in my class about being an adult. I don't always succeed. In fact, most times I think I come off like a bumbling idiot. But I TRY. And I sleep good at night because of it.
But if I can't live up to everyone's expectations...oh well. Life goes on. I am starting my Spring Forward with an affirmation of self respect. I play my part and do what I can when I can. I believe in myself, and that Black Belt is going to be mine!!!
Prometheus' Will
This was so good I had to share
From freewill astrology.com-
Dear Mr. Astrologer:
Like the god Prometheus, I stole fire from the gods and gave it to people who sometimes make awful use of it. As punishment, the gods chained me to a rock on the beach, and arranged for an eagle to come daily to eat my liver. Luckily, the liver grows back every night. Unluckily, the eagle always returns to devour it again. I'm used to it by now; it doesn't hurt as much as it once did. But I'm still eager to get out of my predicament. Any suggestions?
Aries in Limbo
From freewill astrology.com-
Dear Mr. Astrologer:
Like the god Prometheus, I stole fire from the gods and gave it to people who sometimes make awful use of it. As punishment, the gods chained me to a rock on the beach, and arranged for an eagle to come daily to eat my liver. Luckily, the liver grows back every night. Unluckily, the eagle always returns to devour it again. I'm used to it by now; it doesn't hurt as much as it once did. But I'm still eager to get out of my predicament. Any suggestions?
Aries in Limbo
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